I really, really need to fight the funk this week. Between still being sick, piles of snow outside my window, and having another slight weight gain because I haven't been able to be active at all for nearly two weeks, I've just been feeling frustrated and cranky. Normally I have a really great attitude about my weight loss journey but when I got on the scale this week I just got royally p.o.'d. So I allowed myself a few minutes to wallow in self-pity, then looked up some motivational quotes (sometimes they do help even if they're a little hokey), and tried to get my head back in a good place. This blog post is "Preaching to Myself," and hoping that maybe my readers will find a little inspiration and motivation in it for themselves.
I do view it as a sign of how far I've come in general that when I was watching an episode of Inspector Lewis (I found a new season on Amazon Prime--woo!) a couple of days ago, one of the characters was running and my instant thought was, "I really wish I could get back to that!" I could feel my body get a little rush of adrenaline just at the thought of running again. It didn't last long, and I started coughing again soon after, but the thought was there. Six months ago, I wouldn't have had that same reaction. So even if my body isn't currently up for, the muscle memory is still lurking around the edges.
Still n' all, I know part of the weight gain is that I've been slacking in paying attention to portion sizes. Not much weighing and measuring going on lately, so I need to get back to that.
I'm not beating myself up. I'm still fitting into all of my new clothes in my new size. I can still see the difference in the mirror compared to where I was. Although at the moment I'm not feeling the zing of energy and the improvement in strength, I had been before and I know it'll come back. I know my current, momentary frustration and depression has everything to do with the weather and my physical health and the fact that I've not been active, and nothing to do with reality. I know all that. I've just got to get healthy again to feel it.
I'm still in the habit of writing down one thing (health-related) that I'm proud of myself for doing every day, and one "why," just to try to keep myself focused. It's been hard, though, during this two weeks of sick. What is there to be proud of about "sat on my butt most of the day" other than "managed not to eat my way through the bag of potato chips?" (Okay, so that did make it onto my list of "proud" one day--I'll take it where I can get it.) But reminding myself of my "why," even if I'm starting to repeat myself from when I first started doing that a couple of months ago, is very helpful. And keeps me from diving into potato chips.
I've had to cancel the last two weeks' strength training appointments but I have every intention of making it next week, even if it's a light session. I've not been running at all since Saturday the 4th, but I did touch base with our NoBo program coach this week and got her advice about how to slowly ease my way back in. I'm not going to run outside until next week, or until it warms up some, as that will just aggravate the cough. But I'm going to do some light, low-key treadmill work this weekend, and hopefully be back with the NoBo group runs by next Wednesday. I do miss them--they're fun.
So. Life happens. This whole "getting healthy" thing won't be a straight road--I knew that from the outset. And I guess I'm fortunate to be six months in before hitting my first big real hitch. Enough habits are ingrained now that I am in a better mental place and not inclined to just throw up my hands and say, "This will never work," as I have sometimes in the past.
I'm staying positive. Really. It was a momentary mental tantrum that, by the time you're reading this, I'll already be over. I do feel an ever-so-slight improvement in the cold over the last couple of days so I have hope. I faced the music and went to my WW meeting and weigh-in even though I knew I'd be up. I know, without a doubt, that's when I most need those meetings. Skipping a meeting because I won't like what I see on the scale is the first step down a slippery slope to quitting altogether. I'm. Not. Quitting.
I've got this.